“A muted Sunday… not as expected!”
Indeed, I woke up to total silence, the lockdown in the country consisted of banning the circulation on Sunday.
I was sitting there in the silence, and what else could strike a mind like lightning, life!
Weirdly, not like those other days where mostly I think about plans, things to do, ideas, as this is how my mind functions, but no, I was telling myself “Your life isn’t what you expected”.
Truly not the best time to beat around the bushes, especially, when I am the one that says do not bring up the problems if you are not bringing up the solutions, or at least trying.
I could not step out of it. I don’t know whether I had mentioned this before, lately, I started meditation online, which gave me this feeling of contact with myself, but it looks like it connected me with my roots. The source of my ‘earthial’ disappointments.
What can I say, some packages come different, so I don’t use the term damaged, to keep the context positive, and nor has this package ever been classic or within the norm of a regular human being.
Therefore, to me being a man or a woman was never the main backbone in my life, it was rather the strength I built to enable my emotional intelligence and empower myself with survival skills.
If I ask myself, the child in me, where do you see yourself when you grow up? I would answer, a family of many children, a house with a garden, where my children socialize with their friends, my grandchildren playing around, family gathering, laughter and giggles, a woman of power in a corporate format, a woman cooking and baking delicious meals and treats, a woman standing there, with a smile, with lots of love, but wait, why didn’t you mention any man?
Simple, I believe I was born with many powers, however, the damage caused a lack of trust! A word I build upon in every relationship, whether back to the roots, toward the emotional partner, or the business partner, yet, it failed.
So don’t believe me when I say I trust, believe me when I say, I believe everyone is innocent till proven guilty; believe me, when I say, I trust you because I need to give people a chance, I want to try not to be disappointed; believe me when I say, the only trust there was, was when I lowered my expectations. Nothing ever hurt me no more!
Yet due to that damage, I made sure I cracked the bridge of the past with my daughters, it started at a very early age, they used throw themselves knowing I would be there to catch them, and they still do, and I am proud of myself for not filtering the gap of my life towards them! To me, that is an achievement, and it is something I am still trying to do today to myself, at least I am trying!
Good morning muted Sunday, it’s not your fault, it turned out my mind was in total introvert mode, I needed that time to reboot.
Dear Sunday, I trust you!”
#MOI I know “my life isn’t what I expected” but I just started living. I will trust again because I am the Master of My Own Destiny!
*Where is My Angel?
Book by #MOI and Read about the role of Faith in my life
*Mommy, I am a PACER!
Book by #MOI because I believe that children are the future, the change…
Both available on this Amazon link: Badiaa Hiresh amazon.com link to both books
Through the publishers:
Novum Publishing link: Where is My Angel?
Dorrance Publishers link: Mommy I Am a PACER!
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